Jokes Revenge

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails?
Rename the file folder 'instructions manuals'

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge

Why was Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years?
Because men just won't stop and ask for directions

When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it

What is it that all men in singles' bars have in common?
They're married

Why do little boys whine all the time?
Because they are practising to be men

What do you give the man who has everything?
A woman to show him how it all works

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
Because they're stuck in adolescence

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk

What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year the dog's still excited to see you

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest, with a sharp knife

How many of the world's honest, intelligent, caring men does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them

What's the difference between men and a good wine?
The wine matures

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted

What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg while you vacuum

What's the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because these men already have boyfriends

How do men sort their laundry?
'Filthy' and 'filthy but wearable'

Why do men whistle while they are sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe