Anger Management

> When you occasionally have a really bad day,
> And you just need to take it out on someone,
> Don't take it out on someone you know,
> Take it out on someone you don't know,
> But you know deserves it.
>
> I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
> A phone call I'd forgotten to make.
>
> I found the number and dialed it.
>
> A man answered, saying
> 'Hello..'
>
> I politely said,
> 'This is Rick
> Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
>
> Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
> 'Get the right f***ing number!'
> And the phone was slammed down on me.
>
> I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
>
> When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
> To call her,
> I found that I had accidentally transposed
> The last two digits.
>
> After hanging up with her,
> I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
>
> When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
> 'You're an asshole!'
> And hung up.
>
> I wrote his number down
> With the word 'asshole' next to it,
> And put it in my desk drawer.
>
> Every couple of weeks,
> When I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
> I'd call him up and yell,
> 'You're an asshole!'
>
> It always cheered me up.
>
> When Caller ID was introduced,
> I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
> Calling would have to stop.
>
> So, I called his number and said,
> 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
> I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
> Caller ID Program?'
>
> He yelled
> 'NO!'
> And slammed down the phone.
>
> I quickly called him back and said,
> 'That's because you're an asshole!'
> And hung up.
>
> One day I was at the store,
> Getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
>
> Some guy in a black BMW
> Cut me off and pulled into the spot
> I had patiently waited for.
>
> I hit the horn and yelled
> That I'd been waiting for that spot,
> But the idiot ignored me.
>
> I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
> So I wrote down his number.
>
> A couple of days later,
> Right after calling the first asshole
> (I had his number on speed dial)
> I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
>
> I said,
> 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
>
> He said,
> 'Yes, it is.'
>
> I then asked,
> 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
>
> He said,
> 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
> It's a yellow ranch style house
> And the car's parked right out in front.'
>
> I asked,
> 'What's your name?'
>
> He said,
> 'My name is Don Hansen.'
>
> I asked,
> 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
>
> He said,
> 'I'm home every evening after five.'
>
> I said,
> 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
>
> He said,
> 'Yes?'
>
> I said,
> 'Don, you're an asshole!'
>
> Then I hung up,
> And added his number to my speed dial, too.
>
> Now, when I had a problem,
> I had two assholes to call.
>
> Then I came up with an idea...
>
> I called asshole #1.
>
> He said,
> 'Hello'
>
> I said,
> 'You're an asshole!'
> (But I didn't hang up.)
>
> He asked,
> 'Are you still there?'
>
> I said,
> 'Yeah!'
>
> He screamed,
> 'Stop calling me'
>
> I said,
> 'Make me.'
>
> He asked,
> 'Who are you?'
>
> I said,
> 'My name is Don Hansen.'
>
> He said,
> 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
>
> I said,
> 'Asshole, I live at 34 oak tree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
> A yellow ranch style home and
> I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
>
> He said,
> 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
> And you had better start saying your prayers.'
>
> I said,
> 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
> And hung up.
>
> Then I called Asshole #2.
>
> He said,
> 'Hello?'
>
> I said,
> 'Hello, asshole,'
>
> He yelled,
> 'If I ever find out who you are...'
>
> I said,
> 'You'll what?'
>
> He exclaimed,
> 'I'll kick your ass'
>
> I answered,
> 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
> I'm coming over right now.'
>
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
> Saying that I was on my way over to 34 oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax ,
> to kill my
> gay lover.
>
> Then I called Channel 7 News
> about the gang war going down in oak tree Blvd in Fairfax ..
>

> I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .
>
> I got there just in time to watch two assholes
> beating the crap out of each other
> in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
> and surrounded by a news crew.
>
> NOW I feel much better.
>
> Anger management really does work.