WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you
Monday, May 30, 2011
Why R Wedding Dresses White?
A son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
The Vibrator
> >
> >As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
> >door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
> >within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
> >with a vibrator.
> >
> >Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'
> >
> >The daughter replied: 'Mum, I'm thirty-five years
> >old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
> >I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
> >leave me alone.'
> >
> >The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
> >coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
> >door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
> >daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
> >
> >To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
> >said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
> >thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
> >husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
> >
> >A couple days later, the wife came home from a
> >shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen
> >counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
> >of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed
> her husband sitting on the couch,
>
> >downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
>
> >
>
> >The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
>
> >like crazy.
>
> >
>
> >The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'
>
> >
>
> >The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'
> >As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
> >door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
> >within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
> >with a vibrator.
> >
> >Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'
> >
> >The daughter replied: 'Mum, I'm thirty-five years
> >old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
> >I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
> >leave me alone.'
> >
> >The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
> >coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
> >door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
> >daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
> >
> >To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
> >said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
> >thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
> >husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
> >
> >A couple days later, the wife came home from a
> >shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen
> >counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
> >of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed
> her husband sitting on the couch,
>
> >downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
>
> >
>
> >The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
>
> >like crazy.
>
> >
>
> >The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'
>
> >
>
> >The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'
Man With No Bad Habits!
A man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.
He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again.
He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.
He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again.
He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like.
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